you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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