Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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