We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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