yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
