you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
