my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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