i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
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well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
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I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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