You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize