I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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