i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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