You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
