I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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