If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
