2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
