I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
