If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
