The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
