Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
