the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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