distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
it's great music for shaving your balls
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
