Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
