I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize