he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
