Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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