Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.