I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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