Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.