arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You can't just leave with hair like that
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.