I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
