Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
