Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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