he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
