I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
