my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
