gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
