I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
