My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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