with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
