I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
