Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
