i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
