My sheets look like a crime scene.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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