I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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