did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
