last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
