my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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