come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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