I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
