I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
