Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
