I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
