we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
