Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
