i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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