We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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