so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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