Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
