its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
