have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
