i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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