Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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