The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
