I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
