Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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