Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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