I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
