I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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