end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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