I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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