dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
