hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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