Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
